“Life is not always a comfortable ride. Everybody’s got scars that they hide.” (-Mike Posner, “Be As You Are.”  Link to the song:)

Thought I’d mention all the problems I have in my life – list them. Because, why not. lol  ⤵️⤵️

my problems in life are:

  • schizoaffective disorder
  • don’t have friends
  • My mom and sister are rly abusive/home life is stressful
  • I get cyber bullied by certain people. i feel that way, anyway.

There’s also this ⤵️ (I’m specifically referring to the third paragraph :3  I initially posted this pic on my Instagram, actually :3 thank god that account is over . We split up, lol ⤵️)

Those are the main problems I have, in my life. There are other minor ones, too.. like my obesity (I’m fat.. :3), and my trouble focusing on schoolwork, and any cognitive task, actually :3  -there are things I’ve found helpful in dealing with my stuff, though. For example, reading religious/spiritual texts. :3  -this biblical verse is rly powerful: “Jesus then said, “So it is. Everyone who is now last will be first, and everyone who is first will be last.” (Mathew, 20:16). 

**I don’t consider myself ‘last,’ at all; I have a roof over my head and food, access to college, clothes, etc.. But I don’t know if I’m ‘first’: some people have friends, a supportive family, are mentally healthy, etc. So, it seems that there are people who are ahead of me, in life. :3  I’m probably in the middle somewhere. (*in the middle, but very much leaning towards  “blessed”  :3

~some things I do to cope, in life 😅😅:

  • journaling
  • Meditation
  • reading spiritual books and scriptures: the poet Rumi, the Bible/Bhagavad Gita/Qur’an, etc… self-help books like The Untethered Soul.
  • listening to spiritual talks/lectures on YouTube.. I love this one: cool vid. I also made this playlist: playlist of videos about mindfulness and stillness, peace
  • I like drawing and writing poetry, too 😛 that helps too, actually.

A quote by James Baldwin:

“I do not mean to be sentimental about suffering—enough is certainly as good as a feast—but people who cannot suffer can never grow up, can never discover who they are. That man who is forced each day to snatch his manhood, his identity, out of the fire of human cruelty that rages to destroy it knows, if he survives his effort, and even if he does not survive it, something about himself and human life that no school on earth—and, indeed, no church—can teach. He achieves his own authority, and that is unshakable. This is because, in order to save his life, he is forced to look beneath appearances, to take nothing for granted, to hear the meaning behind the words. If one is continually surviving the worst that life can bring, one eventually ceases to be controlled by a fear of what life can bring; whatever it brings must be borne. And at this level of experience one’s bitterness begins to be palatable, and hatred becomes too heavy a sack to carry.”

-James Baldwin, The Fire Next Time. pg. 110

 

Btw, Here is a list of inspiring books I have read or am currently reading ⤵️

Nonfiction:

  • The Fire Next Time, by James Baldwin
  • Notes Of A Native Son, by James Baldwin
  • The Autobiography of Malcolm X
  • The Untethered Soul, by Michael A. Singer 

Poetry:

  • The Glance – Songs of Soul-Meeting, by Rumi. Translated by Coleman Barks
  • The Soul of Rumi. Translations by Coleman Barks
  • The Essential Rumi. Translations by Coleman Barks. 
  • I Heard God Laughing, by Hafiz. Translations by Daniel Ladinsky

Sacred texts:

  • the Qur’an. I like the translation by Abdullah Yusuf Ali the most.
  • The Bhagavad Gita
  • The Book Of Psalms

😬

ty for reading this post 😬✌🏾

bye 🙈💜✌🏾

-e.h.

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